Where do zombies come from? This usually is a point of contention with many film makers.. sometimes they come from curses placed on a people by some evil magician. Other times it is a promising new wonder-drug gone horribly wrong. I'm sure there are others, but I didn't bring the Zombie Survival Guide up here so I might have missed a few. Anyways, the prominate feature of these two theories is that you need dead people to get zombies. And where do you find the most dead people? No, Joey.. not grad school.. I'm talking cemetaries, or graveyards, or boneyards.. whatever you want to call it. Anyways, you are probably wondering what I'm bring all this up for.. right? Well let me tell you.
The site I'm working on just happens to be located in a pretty nasty part of town. Gun shots fill the air almost daily, but that isn't what scares me. What scares me is the fact that within a stone's throw from where I work daily, there is a graveyard. And the likelihood that one of these individuals who are being shot rests there is pretty good. What would be the chance that one of these recently deceased individuals who had left the world in some horrible manner would rise from the dead to exact his/her revenge on the masses. So, I'm constantly scanning the cemetary looking for hands breaking the dirt from freshly laid graves... I always point my car away from the cemetary for quick escape... the machettes are laid out from quick usage should the need arise. Always prepared... always. But still, what if one day I'm grabbing my pumps, and one is hiding in the shadows.. well we'll just have to face that bridge when we come to it.. but when i return from here.. and I'm sort of shuffling and look even more pale that usual.. I just thought I would warn you all now in case I get zombified..
Later
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Considering that you work with deadly chemicals, high technology, and possibly demons and/or wizards, I'd say that you are running a pretty high risk of zombie attack.
I'm sure you already know this, but it is always good to refresh the basics.
Be on the lookout for:
1. moaning from beneath the earth
2. rumors of untimely deaths
3. hand-to-hand combat in publc places
4. bleeding gums
4a. billowing clouds of noxious gas from open orifices
5. unpleasantly aggressive animals -- remember! some strains of zombie infection can and will zombify animals!
If the dead do rise, give your rollin' crew a call. Team SkullFucker will assemble and dispense indiscriminate justice on the living dead. Unless, of course, they have already reached a Level 4 or 5 Outbreak. Then we're going to have to flee to an island or something.
Well Joey, I feel it is necesary to tell you that the stray cats around here are viciously evil, and there have been rumors of cornered stray animals attacking humans. Thus far I've heard no moaning from beneath the earth, but I try to keep an ear open for that sort of thing. I did take a look in the equipment truck this afternoon before work and noticed plenty of large axes (+4 against zombies) a few sledge hammers, and a variety of other weapons. There are also thick PVC gloves to allow in close hand to hand combat.. and most of the guys I work with are fire fighters.. so I feel safe that they could hold their own, at least for a little while. Also, most of them have large trucks equipped with four-wheel drive. So if the dead do rise I feel pretty safe.. at least for a level 3 attack or lower. Always good to know that Team SkullFucker is available for extra protection
regardless of my chilling knowledge of undead arcana, you have to admit that Team SkullFucker is a pretty great name for a group of zombie killers.
Personally Joey.. I think Team SkullFucker actually sounds a little kinky.. perhaps Team SkullCrusher would be more appropriate.. since you aren't actually banging the skulls of the undead, but crushing them.. right?
So Dave, why are you reaching for your pumps amidst the potential threat of being eaten alive?
Are you planning to disable the cerebral cortex with a Blahnik to the brain? All tributes to Sex in the City aside, you really should be wearing flats bro. It's less fashionable but could help you live long enough to shop another day.
Be smart. Stick with the machetes.
pumps have +2 to kill zombies, but can only be used once as the heels tend to become lodged in the zombie's brain-case. the would not, however, be very practical for travel or quick tactical maneuvers.
the best footwear for zombie stomping is, in my opinion, steel-toed hiking boots. it is preferable that they come up above the ankle in case there are any low-to-the-ground attacks (zombie rats, crawling zombies, snapping decapitated zombie heads, falling zombie mouths). these boots should be comfortable and durable enough for the long cross-country trek to the last human cities as well as give you the ability to deliver a shattering kick to a zombie's skull.
but to address the other concern: see, i thought that Team SkullFucker would introduce an irreverence and challenge to the zombie hordes. not that we're going to be defiling any corpses, but the zombies don't know that. I think that Team SkullFucker is a name that would be good for moral. plus it is kind of trendy and cool sounding.
i managed to mispell like fourty words in that post! can you find them all?
("morale" by the way)
and one in the latest.
first when I say pumps, I mean the airpumps that I'm using while working.. bitches. At work I do wear steel toed boots.. laced up over the ankle for all the obvious reasons that joey stated.
second, no pointing out spell errors on my blog.. perhaps on Sean's or even Joey's.. but my spelling ability is equivalent to that of a dsylexic 12 year-old.
thirdly, check back tomorrow for pictures of snow here in Detroit.
explanation for spelling errors: i was really fucking drunk, so hey! it's a amazing that i could spell as well as i did!
Consecrate the ground around the graveyard. To do this you'll have to either call a priest or steal some holy water.
Joey, your drunk posts are the best.
hmmm.. that is a good idea Sean.. I should look into getting some holy water? Now does this also stop mad scientist zombies or merely the demonic kind. I assume only the demonic, out for a grudge kind, but I'm unclear.. any thoughts people?
Any undead or demon standing on consecrated ground must remain still or else recieve 58 holy damage every three seconds. This damage is doubled on Sundays and other holy days (all Saints Day, Ash Wednsday, etc).
Try stealing it from churches or getting a priest to bless a bunch of water. Alternatively, destroy some candles. :)
Ah, the video game references. Can you find them all?
There is a fire hydrat directly adjacent to the graveyard. I was thinking of having a priest come and bless it, thus turning the firehose we have hooked up to it into a hose of final rest for those who dare raise from the dead. Also if vampires attacked. I've also begun making a whip from some chain and listening to a lot of mini-boses just to get into the apporiate mood for undead killing.
hehehe. "hose of final rest." Nice.
you are both among my favorite people because of this exchange.
You know what was really freaky? Resident Evil was totally on Sunday night on TBS or something like that. It was awesome. Though I'm sure had we been there with their weapons we would have destroyed the shit out of some zombies. I mean they weren't even going for headshots, and these were the slow moving zombies. Full auto just seems like a waste of ammo in my opinion, especially on the slow, creeping undead. I think something like a triple burst would be more apporiate, just take the time to destroy the brain. Ok, that is my zombie rant for the day.
Yeah, clearly the elite soldiers in Resident Evil spent too much time training and not enough time playing House of the Dead.
I think full-auto is almost always a waste. I mean, if your target shrugs off 9 or 10 bullets, do you really think 157 more will stop it?
Of course, with a little bit of physics, hopefully Stuart will read this and join in.. but a little bit of conservation of momentum will show that in fact 157 bullets probably would at least prevent the zombie from reaching you. I mean, assuming a muzzle velocity of 375 m/s, the weight of a bullet being .1 kg (I think the weight of a 9mm FMJ is 125 grams.. but I don't know if this is full weight or what.. anyone actually know?) and lets say that zombie weighs 80 kgs.. that means every bullet would ideally impart a backwards velocity of .45 m/s or so.. and zombies muve pretty slowly.. so 157 bullets would probably really ruin his shit.. but that is a lot of bullets.. and when the hordes do come, bullets shouldn't be wasted merely holding the zombies back. I think we can all agree with that.
yes, definitely. in a zombie outbreak scenario ammo should be conserved at all costs save one: losing a unit or a unit preserving objective (obviously diminishing returns applies).
however, i think the decision to use full-auto should be made on a case by case basis. given different types of ammo and masses of slow-zombies, emptying a full clip of anti-personel rounds into a mob could punch a few big holes in the lines. it won't turn the zombies back, but it could cause a lot of damage in a short time. if you only have armor-piercing rounds, then using them on full auto against a mob would just be a waste, unless you're fighting some special armor-zombies.
i think some thought should be put into the use of full auto antiaircraft guns against fast-moving zombies, particularly if defending a static position.
we should have a dedicated zombie discussion blog.
Well, the slowing effect of the bullets would also depend on the resistance that bullet faces in impacting and passing through the zombie. Your calculations assume that 100% of the bullet's momentum is transferred to the zombie. It's possible (especially using FMJ as opposed to hollow point) that the projectile will pass though the rotted flesh losing little momentum. It really depends on how squishy the zombie is. But, yeah, you're right, Resident Evil (video game) taught me that bullets are precious precious items and shouldn't be used carelessly.
There are some terrible grammar in that comment...
Hmm.. I was assuming a full transfer of momentum... shame on me. I like the thought of anti-aircraft guns on a horde of zombies, but in the case of a static position a significantly large wall would protect you just as easily. Unless they are smart zombies... and a wall doesn't allow you to blast the shit out of zombies.
I think a tall, strong wall is an excellent idea. I'm pretty sure that zombies are shitty at climbing walls. If the wall were sufficiently strong, you could mount anti-aircraft guns or blessed water hydrants on the walls and from there unleash furious death upon the undead horde.
Though they're shitty at clminbing, I think they're pretty good at burrowing so it might be a good idea for a static defense to have some sort of subterranean fortification.
hmm... i think that the wall would be an excellent defense against zombies with a static evolutionary pattern. however, if you get a strain of zombification that contains a prediliction for mutation among forms, you could be facing some nasty climbing, burrowing, jumping, or even flying zombies. plus, if any birds are zombified (see 28 Days Later), the wall could actually trap you inside them as the defenders are slowly destroyed from the inside out.
i think that the subterranean fortification is probably the best idea, save for one caveat: if infestation does occur, it would be difficult to escape without first finding a way through the ravenous horde (see Day of the Dead).
The worst possible fortification would be, in my opinion, a mall.
gentlemen, shall we take this discussion to Zombie Talk?
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